MOMENTS WITH FAITH (Episode 1)

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You know, certain people come into your life and nothing makes sense anymore. In rare cases, some people come into our lives and a whole lot makes sense. But in this case, it was none of that. This person came into my life and everything changed. For good or worse??? Well, we’ll find out…

Where it all started; Twitter. Yeah I know what you are already thinking. But don’t worry, this isn’t one of those twitter stories you have heard before. And just in case you think it’s a tragic story, well, you’re free to think because I don’t even know if it’s a tragic one.

Life hits us with some events and experiences that either mar us or make us. In my case, it was more of an experience to grow into and learn from. I had lost my favorite human in the world and I was struggling to live with the realization that she’s absent and not coming back anytime soon. Now, we all react differently to tragic experiences. We initiate different coping mechanisms when we have a negative experience. We all react differently when we have traumatic experiences. That is where coping mechanisms come in. For me twitter was my coping mechanism.

I found myself in a dark place. One that I really needed to get myself out of. With the whole trauma that comes with losing a loved one, especially someone as close as a Mother, it felt like my world was ripping apart in my own eyes. I needed a distraction. There were so many coping mechanisms I should have initiated at the time. Some of which a friend spelled out for me. But, no! I decided to do it the way I felt was best and easy, even at the expense of my own emotions. And before I forget, coping mechanisms will only help you avoid the issues temporarily. They don’t actually make the pain go away. At some point, you still have to face the reality which includes your problems. And if you choose a maladaptive coping mechanism like I did, you will feel safe and secure for a short term, and then create more problems for yourself in the long term.

Did I create problems for myself? Yes! But only emotionally though. I became so emotionally attached to humans. So attached that, whenever I was alone, it felt like I was going crazy. I used human beings as my coping mechanism, and that was a messed up thing to do. I didn’t only hurt these people, I ended up hurting myself too. I’ll get bored at some point and move on to the next available person. There were guys, there were girls, I'd go on spaces, I just always needed to talk to someone. Trust me, it didn't feel like I was using them, cause I mean conversations with me are always worth having (lol please let me brag a bit).

Now I'm sure you are wondering what's wrong in having conversations. Anyone can have conversations, but when you start having lengthy conversations with the same set of people everyday, at some point you might have to withdraw to avoid all the emotions that will sprawl up from that. That's where the problem lies. I had to disappear at every point when I noticed it's beginning to go south. And then I end up hurting the people involved.

Well there is always that one person you come across and you feel like you've been hypnotized. You suddenly want to break down all your walls and you go against your own principles. You no longer feel the need to disappear. It was on one of those moments when I was trying to get over my sudden disappearance from the life of a human coping mechanism that I met this guy. Let’s call him Tee. 
To be continued.... 

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